London MOPS

Brain Power

2010-04-14T16:09:00.003-04:00

by Cindy Taylor

I learned something new this weekend about our brains…they do not automatically get dull as we age! Great news!

“Research is now showing that the circuits of the normal brain grow with mental activity. Lack of use, not aging (or having a baby!!), is what causes the brain to become less sharp. Like any muscle, if used, the brain is strengthened. When normal brains were compared, it was found that not much difference can be found between the brain of a 25 year old and a 75 year old.” (Chandler, Steve. 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself)

How does this relate to our children and learning? I think it shows that keeping our brains active, at any age, will only improve how they work! Have fun getting their brains in shape by working on their memory skills! A quick google search on “memory games” shows lots of options, for all ages. Sure can’t hurt to try…and it sounds fun!

Photo credit: dierk schaefer

How to survive baby boot camp

2010-03-31T14:49:00.002-04:00

Written by Rebecca Ingram Powell

It seems like the crying, rocking, feeding, walking-the-floor insanity is going to last forever.

"Baby Boot Camp" aptly describes life with a newborn. New moms are often flustered and bewildered during those early days with a baby. Besides having a body that's getting back to normal, postpartum mothers must deal with fluctuating hormones, extreme fatigue and roller-coaster emotions.

This wasn't what you signed up for! When you bring your baby home from the hospital, however, the rigours of basic training begin. Here are five ways to stay balanced when a new baby rocks your world.

1. Recognize that your situation is temporary. It seems like the crying, rocking, feeding, walking-the-floor insanity is going to last forever, but it doesn't. Eventually babies sleep, sore nipples heal and your energy returns. The love you have for your little one, however, is permanent!

2. Re-evaluate your priorities. The priorities of the first six weeks are basic. Rest. Eat. Drink lots of water. And did I say rest? Now is not the time to insist on a spotless house or to dwell on what's going on at work while you are on leave. Your day begins and ends with meeting the needs of a tiny person who is relying on you for survival. As far as anything else is concerned, this is one time in your life when it will be easier to catch up than to keep up.

3. Relinquish your need to control. When it comes to a newborn, the only thing you can count on is unpredictability. Don't be afraid to admit that you need help. There are lots of people who really mean it when they ask if there is anything they can do. Never turn down gifts of food or offers to babysit. When a friend or a grandmother comes over to help you, let her! Someone else can wash a load of clothes or run the vacuum just as well as you can. Loosen up.

4. Realize that new relationships are forming. When a new baby arrives, everyone in the family assumes a new role. As these new identities evolve, families are required to make a transition. Patience is a must as you and your husband, as well as your parents and in-laws, adjust to your new name tags. Now you're "Mom." Your mother-in-law is "Grandma." As you step into these new roles, it will take a while to get used to the way they fit.

5. Remember you are not alone. Every new recruit feels overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. At the same time, the joy of motherhood is utterly transforming. Be encouraged: You have joined the ranks of billions of women who also experienced these feelings as they began the journey of motherhood. It is a comfort to remember that you are always in the heart of a loving Father who has a plan for both you and your baby. Trust God to guide you through this wonderful season of life.

Rebecca Ingram Powell is a wife, mother of three and the author of Baby Boot Camp: Basic Training for the First Six Weeks of Motherhood. To learn more, visit her website at Rebeccapowell.com .

How I learned to be a mother AND feel sexy... (wobbly cushion tummy and all)

2010-03-22T12:56:00.006-04:00

by Liz Fraser

Saturday morning. 7am. My six-year-old son has clambered under the duvet with me and my husband, as he often does, and I'm enjoying one of the best moments of my day, snuggled up between two people I love dearly.

While one is snoring, the other is poking my tummy, gleefully exclaiming 'Oh Mummy, it's so wobbly!'

I love my son to bits and I think it's sweet that he finds my 'mummy tummy' so loveable and amusing.

After all, that's where he and his two sisters began life and I am always happy to be the butt of jokes about my various motherly jiggly parts. They're part of who I am now - a mother.

Baby love: Liz, with her eldest daughter Emily, at a time when she felt to be maternal, she couldn't be sexy

But, on the other hand, I am also a 35-year-old woman and a wife, and when I'm lucky enough to be alone with my 37-year-old husband I don't want my tummy to be amusing. I want it to feel sexy. I want my whole body to feel sexy.

It is a dilemma faced not just by me, but by the millions of other women who are struggling to fit their two hugely different roles into one body. Is it really possible to be a mother and feel sexy?

It's certainly a tricky juggling act. And, since the birth of my first child, Emily, 12 years ago, an act I've often found impossible to manage.

At times, it's caused both me and my husband much confusion and put a strain on our relationship.

The truth is that it took me until two years after the birth of my last child - almost ten years during which Mummy Liz dominated Sexy Liz - to feel that I was fully a sexual being again.

So why did it take so long: why do millions of women face long chunks of their lives when they find it hard to exist as sexual beings?

Before I had children, my husband and I weren't exhausted by crying babies through the night, and we had endless time to ourselves.

And our bodies, well, they were - not to put it too crudely - useful for one thing in particular.

But then I became a mother - and everything changed. There's a well-known saying that you leave your dignity at the door of the delivery room - and I certainly left mine there.

Giving birth was, by several eons, the least dignified, most shocking and most embarrassing experience of my life.

There I was, knees in the air, with not two but three people I'd never met before staring intently at my now very public parts, poking and prodding me with latex-clad hands and discussing whether or not they could see a human head down there, as though standing around a water cooler talking about last night's telly.

My husband was there too, as we'd agreed he would be. I never thought for a second that I'd find it unpleasant having him looking at parts of me that were once sexy, and were now, well, pretty horrific actually.

I suddenly felt horrible, and ugly, and embarrassed. I didn't know then that I'd be troubled for years by negative, uncomfortable feelings towards parts of my body that used to be purely pleasurable, and never imagined that feeling sexy again would be so hard, physically and psychologically.

'Sexy' - not a word you often hear associated with motherhood. Before they give birth for the first time, women who dress up or flaunt just the right amount of cleavage or legs can be called sexy.

But a mother? Well, she can be beautiful, elegant, funny, pretty, clever, hard-working, gifted, loving, kind. But sexy? No, not in her role as a mother.

However beautiful pregnancy and motherhood undoubtedly are, they are hardly sexy - from the woman's point of view, let alone the man's.

When I was pregnant my body changed at an alarming rate from something I knew, understood and had a modicum of control over into something the size of a Transit van, and one with a mind of its own.

After the birth I was left with a body I didn't recognise any more - and didn't much like either, because it was saggy, sore and covered in stretchmarks.

Of course my husband told me he still thought I looked gorgeous. He's a lovely man and I know he meant it and it's in his interest to make me feel good. But I wasn't buying it. I couldn't believe it.

While I did feel proud of a body that had brought three children into the world, and it was worth every battle scar, I missed the body I had before - and I felt like I was inhabiting someone else's wobbly body much of the time.

After each baby I felt huge, tired and ugly, and I saw myself and my body in a totally different light.

I was suddenly overwhelmingly maternal: overnight my body's primary role had become entirely functional, not sexy.

I was amazed and elated at what it could do for my baby - rather than how good it could look, or how attractive it was. And I felt that my children had a greater claim on my body than my husband did.

My babies could have as much of my new body as they liked, but I didn't like anyone else to see it. Including me.

According to Dr Linda Papadopoulos, psychologist, author and mother of a seven-year old daughter, this is quite normal.

She says: 'After pregnancy, my tummy didn't feel like it used to, and I didn't like it. I didn't want to share it with anybody apart from my daughter, because she didn't care what I looked like.

'Children don't have notions about what's attractive and what's not. They need you more than anything else, and that's very comforting to a new mother. So it's not surprising we feel we want to give our body to the baby now, more than our partner.'

This is a very important point. If the mixed messages our bodies and minds are giving us (ie are our breasts for feeding a child, or pleasing our husbands) aren't enough to confuse us, then our society's image of motherhood - of what mothers are and what they should or shouldn't be doing - definitely makes things worse.

If a celebrity mother is photographed looking fabulously sexy on a night out, she's often criticised for being out on the town and dressing unsuitably instead of staying in with her children.

If we gain weight after having babies, we've 'let ourselves go'. But if we regain our figure, we're body-obsessed.

If we dress badly we're frumpy; if we dress sexily we've thrown away our morals. We can't win.

According to Dr Papadopoulos, we are socialised to feel we have to choose between Madonna-and-Child, and woman of the night: 'The two aspects of womanhood - mother and sexual partner - are not mutually exclusive. But we're made to feel they are. 'In reality, every woman has it within her to be both sexy and maternal. We should be able to be both.'

She points out that this false split isn't the case for fathers: 'You never hear, "Oh, why's he out having fun? He should be at home nurturing the baby." But mothers get that all the time - it's a huge pressure.'

And even if we weren't under pressure to be the Good, Nurturing Mum, the fact is it's hard to look and feel attractive when you're a new mum.

Take breastfeeding. I breastfed all three of mine and would urge any woman who can to do the same, because it's a magical, important thing to share with your child. But it's not exactly sexy, is it?

As a friend of mine, Mel, who has three children aged ten, six and three, put it: 'We give our bodies over to creating a baby, and feel as big as a bus by the end of it. Can anyone honestly be expected to look at their body the same way after having a baby?'

And once you feel unattractive, you think and act unattractive - and that's a hard mindset to break out of.

Gina, a writer and mother of three, found her biggest barrier to feeling sexy even years after having a baby was exhaustion.

She says: 'When my children were young, sex seemed one demand too many, and there were days when I felt a complete wreck. Sex would feel like a waste of sleeping time. That became a real habit, even after the tiredness wore off.'

Tiredness aside, one of the main things that stopped me feeling sexy and wanting sex again was the sheer volume of images of impossibly sexually provocative women I was constantly seeing in the media.

Advertising campaigns showing lithe young beauties with not a stretch-mark in sight; pop videos with semi-naked, toned girls gyrating and looking like having sex was all they ever did with their beautiful, child-free bodies.

It made me feel hugely inadequate - and also that there was just no way my husband could possibly find me as attractive as what he saw on TV every day.

Women without children were obviously sex goddesses and sexually available all the time. How could I ever compete with that?

The answer is, of course, that I'm not competing with that. I'm me, and he likes me for what I am.

As my husband put it: 'It doesn't matter what you look like - there is nothing more sexy than when you feel good about yourself and you're happy.'

And he's right. One day I suddenly realised I felt sexy again. Sexier than I've ever felt, and more confident in every way.

Why? Well, there are several reasons. For a start, my body was back to near normal and it was great to rediscover my waist, wear flattering clothes again and feel confident in my nakedness.

Second, I was older and wiser, and with that comes an acceptance of who we are. But mainly it's because my children were now that little bit older, and had entered a different stage of their lives, where Mummy wasn't needed 24/7 any more.

This change meant I could start remembering the sexy, desirable side my body once had. I could finally start enjoying the 'woman' side of me, rather than exclusively the mother side.

And I realised how important it is to keep a hold of the 'old you'. That's partly why I wrote my first book, The Yummy Mummy's Survival Guide - to help other mothers understand this huge, overwhelming psychological change that is so rarely talked about. It's not at all about looking perfect or having nice hair. It's about learning to juggle several roles and enjoy them all.

I'm loving being able to enjoy both sides of me again, and so is my husband. Yes, my son still calls my tummy his Wobble Cushion. And yes, I do prefer sleep to sex quite often. But it's fine. Because I can tuck my maternal side away when I want to now and enjoy being a sexy woman.

It's actually the best combination in the world. It's just a shame it takes many mothers so long to feel they can be sexy again.

Today, I can enjoy the body and the life I have. It's a very good one.

Original article found here!

2010-03-02T21:51:00.002-05:00

Never do we breathe so deeply as when we laugh. Not a shallow giggle, but a deep down, belly laugh – the type where you can't catch your breath and our stomach starts to hurt. In fact, this type of laughter reminds us in the midst of stress how long it has been since we last took a good breath.

Thankfully, motherhood includes many wonderful opportunities to laugh. One such instance in my life came when a single friend was visiting my home and commented on what beautiful coasters we had. Unclear of what she was referring to, I glanced over at her glass. I was mortified to see that in the midst of my somewhat unkempt house, she had mistakenly grabbed a breast pad still remaining after having distributed the clean laundry. Assuming it was a coaster, she placed her water on it. All would have quietly passed, with everyone saving face, except for the fact that my husband heard the same comment. He glanced over at her glass and innocently, but unmistakably said, “Isn’t that a … breast pad?” Together we looked at the glass and burst out laughing. I couldn’t hide the truth. My breast pad did make a lovely coaster. The three of us still think back to that story and chuckle to ourselves.

What are some mom stories you have that have caused you to laugh? Perhaps sharing them with each other will help us all to breathe more deeply.

Erin M. Reynolds, Ph.D. is predominantly a stay-at-home mom, but coaches, teaches and speaks in areas of communication on the side. She and husband, Bob, have three children — Elianah (4), Charlotte (3) and Ian (1). Erin attends the Cherry Creek Presbyterian MOPS group in Denver, Colorado.

P.S. I Love You!

2010-02-12T20:47:00.004-05:00

There are many ways to say “I Love You” to your honey....and don't save them all for Valentine's Day!! Here are some you might not have thought of:

1. Leave chocolate kisses by the bed with a sweet note from you.
2. Dedicate a song to him on his favorite radio station.
3. Call him at work just to see how his day is going.
4. Try to prepare his all-time favorite dish. It may not taste quite like his mother makes it, but he’ll appreciate your efforts.
5. If he’s extra busy at work, offer to pick up his dry cleaning, fill his car with gas, or stop by the bank for him.
6. Organize a “dream” file, saving articles and photographs of vacation destinations or new home ideas that the two of you could work toward together.
7. Spend a Saturday at home together – with the door locked and the answering machine on.
8. Tell your kids how you and Daddy met. It will revive the special feelings you have for each other.
9. Tuck a small note in his pocket that tells him you love being his wife.
10. Take him out to see an action movie he’s been dying to see. Or rent his favourite movie (the one you can’t stand) and make a big bowl of stovetop popcorn and watch it with him.
11. Tuck a book of “love” stamps in his lunchbag.
12. Call his mother, just to see how she’s doing.
13. Write “I Love You” in lipstick on the bathroom mirror before he goes to get ready in the morning.
14. Celebrate every holiday!
15. Wear his favorite perfume.
16. Surprise him with a subscription to his favorite magazine.
17. Rent his favorite movie and make his favorite popcorn.
18. Write “I Love You” with chalk in his parking space at work.
19. If you can’t be home for dinner, leave him a romantic note in the refrigerator.
20. Deliver muffins or bagels to his office one morning.
21. Email him a love note.
22. Drive by his workplace and leave a note on his car windshield inviting him to a romantic dinner.
23. Establish seasonal traditions such as a picnic on the first day of spring, or an annual trip to a hideaway the first cool day of fall.
24. Make sure he never runs out of his favorite cologne.
25. Make a note of his boss’ birthday and remind him the day before.
26. Enjoy a sunset together.
27. Fill the cookie jar with those chocolate covered graham crackers he loved as a child.
28. Let him test drive that new, expensive sports car – just once!
29. Send him to work with a plate of your famous homemade oatmeal cookies for everyone to enjoy with their morning coffee.
30. Present him with a novelty apron to wear with he barbecues.
31. Leave a loving message on his voicemail at work.
32. Drop by his office when you know he’s out to lunch and leave a provocative note that makes him want to rush home that evening.
33. Go on an old-fashioned date to the skating rink or bowling alley.
34. Root through Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations for wonderful expressions that describe how you feel about him. Hide cards inscribed with the quotations where he’ll find them.
35. Find a scale model of that Ferrari or Jaguar he’s always wanted, so he can have the car of his dreams.
36. Write him a real letter once in while, just as if you were away and hadn’t seen him for a while.
37. Sit down once a month and schedule a couple of interesting dates. Always have something to look forward to as a couple.
38. Borrow or rent a convertible and surprise him with a moonlit ride.
39. Surprise him with a sweatshirt from his college alma mater.
40. Leave a path of rose petals that leads to your bedroom. Naturally he’ll find you waiting there!
41. Tape his favorite comic strip to the bathroom mirror.
42. Carefully open a new box of his favorite cereal. Insert a love note and reseal the package.
43. Freeze a note that says “I love you” in an ice cube.
44. Place a rose under the windshield of his car.
45. Share a bubble bath.
46. Give him a roll of Life Savers candies with a note that reads “You’re my lifesaver.”
47. Write “I love you” on the eggs in the refrigerator.
48. Order 10 boxes of his favorite Girl Scout cookies.
49. Dress up for Saturday dinner at home.
50. Write him a poem and cut the piece of paper into puzzle-shaped pieces. Mail the envelope to his workplace.
51. Remember his mother’s birthday because she was wonderful enough to raise such a special person.
52. Buy him a years supply of golf, tennis, or racket balls.
53. Leave fun messages that flash up when he turns on his home computer.
54. Invite him to lunch unexpectedly.
55. Slip a scented love note into his briefcase.
56. Arrive at his office at 5:00 on Friday to whisk him away for a romantic weekend.
57. Send him a card for no reason at all. Just that you love him.
58. Go for an early morning walk together.
59. Celebrate even the very smallest of occasions: the 100th Wednesday of your marriage, etc.
60. Buy his favorite CD and welcome him home to beautiful music.
61. Place a favorite CD in his car so he’ll have relaxing sound for his daily commute.
62. Leave a romantic message for him on your home answering machine.
63. Develop new interests that the two of you can pursue together, take golf lessons or join a health club together.
64. A spontaneous hug or kiss goes a long way!
65. Rent a bicycle built for two for a weekend outing.
66. Cook him a candlelit dinner after a particularly stressful day.
67. Schedule one night a week just for each other. Don’t make any other plans.
68. Take a midnight stroll and enjoy the moonlight together.
69. Begin your own traditions with a favorite vacation shop or restaurant that will help you fall in love all over again whenever you visit there.
70. Fill his car with helium balloons and a great big card that says you care.
71. When you shop for yourself, remember to buy a little something for him.

72. Kiss him at least 4 times daily: when you say good morning, good night, goodbye when you separate for the day, and hello when you reunite.

73. Stick a bottle of champagne in the snow and when the kids are in bed, grab you honey’s hand and pull him outdoors saying you want to look at the stars. Drink a toast to your happy family.

74. Get rid of the TV in your bedroom.

75. Create a romantic card for your partner while the kids are doing crafts.

76. Instead of working in the backyard on a Saturday, spread out a blanket, lie back and watch the clouds together.

77. Make a list of what you find sexiest about your partner: the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs, the way he winks at you when the kids are around etc., then hide it in his sock drawer. He’ll eventually find it.
Birthday:
1. Throw him a surprise party, complete with balloons and noise makers.
2. Prepare a special adventure for him and only tell him what to wear.
3. Turn a birthday gift into a treasure hunt.
4. Send flowers to his workplace.

5. Send him a musical greeting card.
6. Prepare his favorite breakfast and serve him in bed, with a note from you tucked under the plate.

7. Create a card that say the i.e. 35 reasons (on his 35^th birthday) why you love him. Cut out pictures from magazines or off the internet. These can be serious, fun or funny but are customized to just him.
The extra mile:
1. If his favorite sports team is in town, surprise him with two tickets.
2. While on vacation, arrange a parasailing lesson, massage or anything else he wouldn’t normally do on his own.
3. Have his car washed, including the tires and the interior.
4. Plan a weekend of fun activities without leaving town. Go to the farmers market on Saturday morning; eat a leisurely brunch; go swimming in the afternoon; see a movie; eat at the new neighborhood restaurant.
5. Have his wedding band engraved to read “I Love You”.
6. For a really special surprise, contact an old friend he hasn’t seen in a while and arrange a surprise meeting.
7. Splurge and have your next dinner at home together catered.
8. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride through the park.
9. Go to a carnival together. Spend all your change on silly games.
10. Share an outdoor concert under the stars.
11. Mail him a menu from that new restaurant you’ve been anxious to try – along with an invitation for dinner – your treat.
Business trip:
1. Slip a scented love note into his briefcase.
2. Send mail to him when he’s away on business. Be sure to enclose a picture of you!
3. Surprise him with an engraved luggage tag for his next business trip.
4. When he returns from a business trip, get the Welcome Home banners out and have a private celebration.
5. Slip some of his favorite candy into his briefcase.
Anniversary:
1. As an anniversary gift, write the story of your love as if it were a fairy tale. Include some of the reasons why you love him in it.
2. Plant a tree to commemorate a very special occasion such as your anniversary, first house, birth of your first child. Then watch the tree grow along with your love.
3. On your anniversary, surprise him with a limousine for the night. The two of you can cuddle in the back just like you did on your wedding day and enjoy a night on the town.

Photo credit: aussiegall

This beautiful mess

2010-01-30T16:17:00.005-05:00

Written by Candice Watters

Finally, naptime had arrived. I had just tackled the morning mess, including breakfast and lunch dishes and a few soaking pans from the night before. Being 30-weeks pregnant with No. 3, I was desperate for some sleep.

Mercifully, the four-year-old went down without complaint. The six-year-old was just as eager for some playtime by himself. I left him with LEGOs, books, crayons and the run of the living room. All was well.

I awoke an hour later to loud whispers in my ear. “Mommy! Come see what I made.”

I rolled out of bed as he led me by the hand to see his masterpiece. At the foot of the stairs, the living room was shrouded in couch cushions, coordinating throw pillows, wool wraps and freshly washed sheets.

“Don’t you love it? It’s my fort!”

“Honey, this is great,” I mustered. “But remember, we’re having company for dinner and Mommy just cleaned, so you have to put everything away.”

He looked at me with his puppy-dog eyes. “It’s like you care more about the couch than me,” he said.

“No, of course I don’t,” I said, knowing he wouldn’t understand my dilemma. I was proud of his creativity. But did it have to come at the expense of my peaceful, beautiful, orderly home?

What matters most?

How could we have known, back when I was pregnant with our little fort builder, that the most important test of a good couch was not its construction, comfort or colour scheme?

What mattered most, once the kids arrived, was how easily all the cushions and pillows could be removed and made to resemble a pirate ship, volcano or secret hideout. At least we’d had the foresight to spring for the Scotchgard treatment.
We were naïve. Lost in a steady stream of Pottery Barn catalogues, we shopped with dreams of showroom furniture artfully arranged in our first home. The only problem with that fantasy was people. If you notice, there aren’t any in most furniture catalogues. Apart from the occasional dog and monogrammed towel suggesting a human presence, those catalogues are lifeless. But aren’t people what matter most?

The purpose of a home

In Home Comforts, a book about how a home works, not how it looks, author Cheryl Mendelson writes, “When you keep house, you use your head, your heart and your hands together to create a home – the place where you live the most important parts of your private life.” And when kids are little, the most important parts have a lot to do with making messes.

Stephen Curtis Chapman captures this idea in his song Signs of Life:

I’ve got crayons rolling around in the floorboard of my car,
Bicycles all over my driveway, bats and balls all over my yard,
And there’s a plastic man from outer space sitting in my chair.
The signs of life are everywhere.
Eternal treasures

At times when my husband complains about the landscaping rocks the kids have thrown in the grass, I remind him, “Honey, we’re raising kids, not grass.” Recently he turned it back on me, saying, “We’re raising kids, not occasional tables and leather ottomans.”

Those things aren’t eternal. No matter how perfect something is when you get it – or what you do to keep it that way – it won’t last. As disappointing as that may be, it’s freeing to just accept it. One motivational writer says she knows her stuff will break sooner or later, so she just looks at it and thinks, It’s already broken. That saves her the stress of trying to keep it perfect.

For me, it makes sense to look at our stuff and think, It’s already sticky. This attitude of not frantically trying to keep our stuff pristine is consistent with Matthew 6:19: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”

My goals for our home no longer include maintaining the look of a decorating magazine. Our home wasn’t built to be a showroom. The life encompassed within its walls – loving a spouse and children, having babies, teaching children to know and love God – is far too important to be diminished by such low aims . . . even if it means having to work my way through a cushion fort to finish my nap.

Candice Watters is founder of Focus on the Family’s Boundless webzine and a mother of three.

Read Alouds...

2010-01-18T23:28:00.003-05:00

by Cindy Taylor

Reading is important…but I think you know that since you are reading a blog about it !!

But do you read TO your children, even when they are older?? We do in our house! Why?? Because it is a great thing to do together! But where do you begin? Here are my thoughts…
woman reading to 2 children

Enjoying reading together!

When you have really little ones, don’t wait until they are bigger…start right away! There are amazing books out there for really little ones…fun board books that are meant to be loved and enjoyed! They have a few words to give the child the wonderful sound of the parent’s voice…but they can also have bright colours, touchy feely spots…something for all five sense! It is so amazing to watch little ones as they take in the books…it is just the beginning of their journey to reading!

For preschoolers, there are SO MANY excellent books out there for a parent to read to your child…but this is where you may find the attention span can be all over the place…that is okay…they are just getting the hang of listening and it could take a bit of practice. Usborne has a great series that helps them step into reading slowly, with a few little tricks. The series is called “Farmyard Tales” and has some neat features. The first is that each story (there are 20 of them, all taking place in and around Apple Tree Farm) begins the same…”This is Mrs. Boot the Farmer. She has two children called Poppy and Sam and a dog called Rusty” (typed from my memory )….and so they can pretty much join in and help mom and dad get the story going! And you will find that the main characters are going to show up over and over again…kids love that! And one more thing that is fun…there is a little yellow duck to find on every page…just the thing to help your child have something to do while listening to you read! This was the highlight for my kids, for sure!

What about reading to school age children? Do you stop when they can read themselves? No! We continue to read aloud here and our girls are in Grade 4, 9 and 12! It is a fun family thing to do…but it is also helping to build their listening skills, something definitely needed in life. And reading books above your child’s reading level (but something they have an interest in) can only help improve their vocabulary and interest in the subject. Another advantage to reading aloud rather than reading silently? As a parent, you can stop and discuss things along the way that you would not have had the opportunity to do if your child were in his room reading by himself. We have had some excellent conversations which began by reading a chapter in a book.

And don’t be afraid to switch it up sometimes…maybe read a magazine article or poetry (rhyming ones are good for little ones) or different Advent type books before Christmas, etc…what are some of YOUR favourite books to read as a family? Enjoy them this week!

For more ideas on reading and learning, check out Growing Readers for Life

A Pet?!?

2009-08-31T11:34:00.003-04:00

My son wanted a pet that he could keep in his room. I wanted something that wasn't going to escape or bite him, or be up all night. His sisters each have a beta fish (siamese fighting fish). But no, he wanted something he could touch.
So, we settled on a turtle. Can't run away. Too little to bite. Quiet!

So, off we went to purchase a pet turtle. We found out that it's illegal to sell turtles with shells smaller than 4inches in diameter. Certain breeds of turtles are either illegal to own or are endangered. They can live for up to 75 years. One arrogant store clerk told us that only ignorant parents buy turtles as pets. While we hadn't really done a tonne of research, that opinion seemed harsh.

So, we abandoned the turtle idea. I found out that turtles, like small rodents and reptiles, harbour salmonella bacteria. But two older boys heard of my son's plight and found a small turtle in the local swamp and gave it to him. To my knowledge this isn't illegal. It was a common turtle, plentiful around here.

So, the unnamed turtle lived with us for the summer. My son loved to watch him swim around, but mostly the turtle spent half that time trying to get out. It broke my heart seeing this poor creature go from frantic searching to lethargic acceptance.
So, we had a talk.

My son agreed that his turtle did not look happy. We assured him it wasn't because he didn't love his turtle, or didn't take care of him. His turtle wanted to go home. Despite the tears, in an act of bravery that would be admirable in an adult, he agreed to release his turtle back into the swamp it came from. We waved goodbye as it gleefully swam away.

This time I did my research. We purchased a guinea pig, which is bigger than hamsters and gerbils, thereby harder to "love" too much. I've heard horror stories of poor creatures being squished by little hands unaware of their own strength. Guinea pigs aren't nocturnal. They live for about 8 years and can be very social. We had the hand washing talk again, but he was used to that from living with his turtle. The experiment continues, but it was a lesson for all of us about being good stewards of God's creation and that sometimes loving means letting go.

Perspective

2009-08-16T20:22:00.003-04:00

It's really hard when you're in the thick of things, to take that objective step back and have perspective, isn't it?
When you're in the grocery store with a two-year old screaming, on the floor, people staring because you said no. The baby that's been up every hour for two days. The infant that has peed/thrown up on you for the third time that day. The laundry pile that only seems to get bigger...
Usually these things pass, and you learn from it. In time, you might not even remember the event.
My mother used to tell me, begin as you mean to continue. Good advice, most of the time. My grandmother used to say, think about whether this is the hill you want to die on.
I never got that one, until I had a willful three year old.

Perspective is very hard to maintain, especially when you're tired and frustrated. Flippant advice from older moms, or even your mom or mother-in-law, is rarely helpful. Oh you'll miss this, they say. Maybe, but right now all I want is one full night's sleep/clean laundry/fill in the blank.

That's what MOPS is about. A friend to come alongside, offer a hug and say, "I know how you feel." Maybe they were there the day/week before and you can glean something helpful from their experience.

Wouldn't it be nice to have that support and community? Try MOPS.

2009-07-29T11:23:00.003-04:00

One of our London MOPS moms, Clara Para- a trained psychologist, agreed to post a few of her thoughts on parenting. Enjoy!

Growing through Children

"Whether you want to or not, you do serve as a role model."
- Brooks Robinson, American baseball player

We believe that children and adults are important. And as moms we believe that families are the places where children learn how to be adults.

Adults of any age can grow and every day is a good time to change any parts of our lives that we want to be better.

What are your children learning from you? We all have strengths and weaknesses. The better we know ourselves, the better we’ll parent our kids.

Tips for all parents:

-Get to know yourself more. What are you good at? What do you struggle with? How are you striving to be a better human being?

-Be intentional about how you parent. Focus on being a positive role model. Be an asset-building parent.

-Ask your kids what they’re learning from you: in general, when you’re stressed, and when you’re happy. You may be surprised at what they’re picking up.

-Notice how you treat the mistakes you make (and the mistakes made by others in your family). Some people are hard on themselves and others just say, “Oops, I made a mistake and need to try again.”

-Have a sense of humour about yourself. Tease yourself (and others) in healthy ways that make people laugh.

-Remember you own childhood. If you would not want your children treated as you were, you have the power to change family history.

-One of the most important things that parents can do for their children is to work on their own confidence, self-awareness, communication and coping skills.

TAKING CARE OF OUR KIDS MEANS TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES

2009-07-15T13:28:00.003-04:00

Every 6 seconds a child dies from hunger-related causes.

Did you see this article on the MSN homepage today?

That's a startling statistic isn't it? What, as a MOPS mom in Canada, do we do with that? We stare at our own children and thank God that we live here. We thank God that we have an abundant supply of fresh water and Gov't subsidized health care and trustworthy law enforcement. We trust that our leaders are doing something about world hunger and go about our daily lives.

But, this is real. Children are dying, being exploited, killed and trained as soldiers in other parts of the world. These babies are dying from diseases that have largely been eradicated here, are fighting in wars and seeing violence that we don't even like to watch from a distance on television. Was it only an accident of birth that had us raise our families in a great country like Canada?

Have you ever thought of sponsoring a child in need? There are some great organizations that are reaching out to the poorest in the world and offering help: World Vision, Compassion Canada, Plan Canada (formerly Foster Parents Plan), International Justice Mission. I'm sure there are others.

We have given money to the International Justice Mission. We are sponsors with World Vision, but I don't think that gets me off the hook anymore. It should be about more than money. I'm challenging myself to get me and my family more involved with the two children we're sponsoring, one in S. America and one in Africa. We haven't done much more than send the money every month for the last three or four years.

I want my children to know how fortunate we are and that perhaps through these humanitarian organizations we've been given an opportunity, in our limited wealth, to help someone else. I want to begin having my children help write the letters and help shop for small stickers and things to send over. These statistics have always in the past pushed me towards apathy. What can I do? It's such a big problem. But, I'm thinking a better attitude is, I can't do everything, I can't solve this problem, but I can drop my pebble in the lake and if enough other people drop pebbles in we CAN make a difference.

What do you think?

2009-07-08T15:47:00.005-04:00

What MOPS means to me.

MOPS is for moms.

We come together, here in London twice a month, to get support from other moms who know exactly how we feel because they're in the same place we are. We learn how to be better moms from our Mentor Moms and from experts and professionals in the community. We come for a break.

When I had three children in three years with no family to speak of nearby to help, I realized how important friends are! You're the mom. You're supposed to know how to do all this stuff. Your baby is supposed to be happy and always look like the Gerber baby. Your house is supposed to be immaculate. Your makeup perfect.

Right?

I discovered MOPS after my first child and made some great friends. But by the time I'd had my third child in three years, I was on the edge. I had mild postpartum depression with my son, which meant that I was lucky to get out of my pajamas let alone shower. My two older kids got fed, but we didn't have play-dates or go for walks. My son was a grumpy, screaming handful who wouldn't stay with anyone. I had no help. My marriage was rocky and my husband worked over 60hrs/week at two jobs.

But I had MOPS.

When I was lonely or at the end of my patience, I would call a MOPS friend. She'd remind me that I'm not alone because she's in the same place I am and we'd share a laugh between crises. MOPS was my lifeline! I went to MOPS and was more than mom for those three hours every two weeks. I was a friend, a mentor, a student and most importantly got a break. I got a chance to learn how to be a better mom, but also, was encouraged to maintain my own interests too.

In my experience, MOPS appeals first to those moms who don't have family nearby. But, I encourage every mom who is struggling, who is lonely, who is searching to discover herself in the midst of this great adventure called motherhood, to give MOPS a try. We're not a playgroup, we're not daycare. MOPS is a support network for moms and an opportunity to learn how to be not just better moms, but improve ourselves as women.

2009-06-29T14:14:00.003-04:00

Heat Got Mom Down? Summer Fun On A Dime

I had three children in three years, so I understand busy. For many years we lived on upper floors with no air conditioning. For weeks at a time, our apartment stayed in the 30’s. We didn’t have a car and you can only retreat to city buses, malls and libraries so many times. But, we didn’t let that get us down. We had fun! Here are some of my tried and true methods for keeping kids cool and occupied on a shoestring budget, but these can be used any time of year.

Who needs a pool when you’ve got a bathtub? Go to the dollar store, or your local equivalent, and buy one of those clear plastic shower curtains. Keep your fabric one for adult showers if that’s your preference. (The clear shower curtain is helpful, but not absolutely necessary) Fill the tub with cool water (enough to cover their laps when sitting) Have the kids put on their bathing suits, give them plastic cups, spoons, sieves, etc. to play with, draw the see-through curtain and let ‘em go. They can splash to their heart’s content without flooding the bathroom and stayed cool. Me? I sat on the closed toilet with a book or my grocery list, keeping a close eye on them through the clear shower curtain. This is a great way to cool kids off right before bed or naptime.

Who needs a splash pad or wading pool when you have a kitchen sink? Now, I’ll warn you, I’m not one of those moms with a squeaky clean house. I clean enough to keep the health department away. I’m a mom first, housekeeper fourth or fifth. Half-fill your kitchen sink and be generous with the soap, slide up a chair or two and let them “wash dishes” just like mom. Give them a few plastic dishes, whatever you have, and let them play with the bubbles, pour water and have fun. Now, be-warned, this will cause a mess, but it’s nothing that can’t be cleaned up with a towel in a couple of minutes. Let the kids be part of the cleanup routine. Or, better yet, go puddle-jumping after a good rain, or go spinning in the rain. C'mon Mom, let loose a little. Who else will teach your kids that they don't need money to have fun?

Who needs a tree house when you’ve got a few chairs and a blanket? We never had a whole backyard to ourselves, let alone owned a tree to build a house in. I pushed the furniture to the outsides of the room, pulled up some kitchen chairs and got out several flat bed sheets. (I found quilts and comforters OK for short-term playing, but with high air temperatures these covers made for a very hot fort interior.) Mom must construct the fort, otherwise fights erupt and structure stability is questionable. However, once it’s set up with fans strategically placed to blow air inside the fort, “the play fort” will give you time to finish a chore or take a break nearby. Be sure to turn the chair backs inside and set something heavy-ish on the chair’s seat to prevent sudden collapses.

Who needs expensive finger and tempera paints when you have pudding? For about a dollar you can buy a small box of instant pudding mix. Let the kids take off their shirts and “paint” with chocolate and vanilla pudding. (This is best done right before the bathtub transforms into a pool.) I let them use the bare tabletop, but you can purchase finger-paint paper too. You know they eat the paint anyway, this way you don’t have to feel bad about it. In a pinch, I’ve been known to let them “paint” on my kitchen floor (no seams linoleum flooring-I washed it first) with their pudding paint. I know, I can see some of you shaking your head at me. But, you’ll instantly be transformed into cool mom and hero and they’ll have a blast! Relax…this is all fixed with a mop and ten minutes. If it ain’t fun, why bother? That’s my motto.

Do you have fun, on-a-shoestring-budget ideas for keeping cool this summer? Send them to me.

Vacationing with your preschooler

2009-06-15T11:31:00.005-04:00

It’s that time of year again. Vacation!! Vacationing with your preschooler offers a unique set of challenges. With 3 children 3 years apart in age, I have ventured near and far on family vacations. Here are a few lessons that I’ve learned…the hard way:
Lesson #1 – The Dreaded Car Ride
Nothing is worse than being trapped in a car with a screaming child. Well, almost nothing. Being trapped in a car with a screaming, stinky child might be worse. When we were off to visit family across the province (18hr drive time) I would purchase a few new things for them to play with that they hadn’t seen before: A small toy, a book or two each, a movie and CD’s. I kept them at my feet to pull out as needed. Keep an eye on the time and pull out surprises at regular intervals. All their favourite toys, blankets and books were within easy reach from their car seats. Paper and crayons were always a hit. I packed snack size baggies with a variety of treats. This kept mess down to a minimum and gave them choices. Engage them as you drive, play I-Spy, sing silly songs, make sure they have a clear view out the window. We planned regular rest stops. With young kids and babies, bathroom, bottle and diaper breaks are necessary. But, a half-hour stop every couple of hours to let them out to run around and explore made it easier to belt them in again. This extra time adds up fast, so plan for that.
Lesson #2 – There’s Lots Of Time For That Later
We remember how much fun large attractions are from when we were kids. But, if we remember them, then we likely weren’t preschoolers when we visited them! Keep the ages of your kids in mind.
Preschoolers love attractions that are interactive. Big zoos are great, but the large enclosures keep the animals far away and are a fair distance apart. Preschoolers want to touch and feel and see things up close. Amusement parks like Canada’s Wonderland can be a lot of fun, but if two hours into your $300 one-day-wonder vacation, your preschooler is whining that she’s bored standing in line, frustration soon follows.
We’ve chosen to wait until our kids are a little older for those kinds of attractions.
Lesson #3 – Admit When It’s Time To Call It Quits
Your child is screaming, exhausted and at the end of his rope, but you had so much more you wanted to show them. No one is having fun at this point. All you’re going to remember about that trip is the temper tantrum and your own disappointment. Choose smaller portions to visit; buy a season’s pass so you can visit sections instead of trying to do it all in one day. Sometimes, you just have to go home and try again another year. See Lesson #2.
Lesson #4 – Build Up Excitement & Prepare Them Ahead of Time
Involving your preschooler in the planning makes packing and driving a lot easier. Show them pictures of the attraction or family member you’re going to visit. Prepare them for how long the trip will be in terms they can understand. For my kids, I talk about time in relation to a full-length movie. “This trip is going to take two movies to get there…” Engage them in the packing and let them choose which toys to bring, which movies to watch while on the car ride. Begin a calendar count-down and let them X off the days until departure. If you’re travelling for more than one day, let them help you choose a hotel. Find one with a pool, or other kid-friendly features.

Engaging the brain during a temper tantrum. Impossible?

2009-06-09T09:44:00.003-04:00

Identifying or labelling emotions for children is called Emotional Coaching.

Identifying emotions helps us to self-soothe, refocus, and approach problems logically. Anger, sadness, frustration, hurt, fear, jealousy, these are all natural emotions and your child experiences them just the same as you do. Science has identified that the right side of the brain is the emotional centre. Labelling, communication and other logical, problem-solving thought processes are dealt with by the left side of your brain.

Emotional Coaching engages the logical, problem-solving part of the brain. You probably do this without realizing it. You're lashing out at the people around you but don't know why? When you identify why you're lashing out, it's easier to control your behaviour; it's easier to calm yourself and refocus.

It's the same with our children.

"Research indicates (Gottman, & DeClaire, 1997) that children raised with an 'emotional coaching' style that encourages healthy emotional development are more self-confident, do better in school, have fewer behavioural problems, get along better with friends and others, have fewer infectious illnesses, and can weather their parents' conflict better."

I practiced this with my children, and it was a learning process for all of us. I remember the day my then four-year old son slumped onto the kitchen stool, a frown drooping to his knees, arms crossed over his chest, back stiff. "What's wrong?" I asked. He kept staring at the floor, "I'm frustrated. I can't win on Mario."
"I'm sorry you're frustrated." I replied, trying to keep the smile off my face, smelling victory. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I turned off the game," he huffs still upset.

Point for mom!

However, experts in the Emotional Coaching field warn parents not to tell their child how they should feel. Simply identify how they are feeling. Tommy is having a temper tantrum because he's landed on a snake that's sent him to the bottom of the board. He stands up and throws the board across the room, scattering the pieces. "You're frustrated (or angry), but it's not OK to throw..." is better than, "It's just a game! Don't get so angry."

You don't have to agree with or condone their actions, but empathize with them and acknowledge their feelings. Feeling frustrated isn't wrong, throwing things is.

For more information see: http://www.talaris.org/spotlight_emocoaching_steps.htm

Stranger-Proofing Your Kids

2009-06-01T09:24:00.003-04:00

According to the RCMP, kidnapping by strangers accounts for less than 1% of missing childrens' cases in Canada. There’s a lot of media-hyped hysteria over this crime that affects such a small proportion of missing children cases that it almost doesn’t rate a statistic, but it does happen. Tori Stafford is a tragic reminder. Everyone followed protocol, but she still isn't coming home.

Does your family have a pass-word? Would your child willingly go with a family acquaintance or friend - someone from church or their summer sports team, if offered a ride home from school, or told you'd been in an accident? It happens! Police advise using a family code-word that allows your child to know this person has your permission to take them.

Here are a few things parents can do:

As soon as they’re old enough teach them their address, phone number and their parents’ names. It’s a curriculum requirement for JK and SK anyway, so they’ll be ahead of the game.
Teach them to shout “You’re not my mother!” or “You’re not my father!” when someone tries to take them away.
Teach them to go to a sales clerk if you’re separated in a store.
Teach them to go to a Police Officer if one is nearby and they’re in trouble. Don’t ever threaten to call the Police if they act out. Police are safe people.
Teach your child to say “no” firmly. Practice with them. Give them permission to scream if they’re in trouble.
Never leave a young child alone in a public place, not even in the washroom—no matter how much they protest.
Don’t put their name on their clothing, it may be used to gain their trust.
Never assume that someone else will watch out for your child. Always know where they are and who’s looking after them.

2009-05-27T22:44:00.000-04:00

Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Dad

In an interview with London MOPS, former city resident Jim Kearsley gave me his perspective on parenting as a stay-at-home Dad. (But, if you ask him, he’ll say he’s a “pastor/consultant who works out of the home”. Sound familiar all you “teachers who stay home” or “household engineers”?) Jim worked outside the home for many years, but now stays at home with their two school-aged children, Chloe and Isaiah while his wife works full-time. In 1976, 2% of single-income families had a stay-at-home father. In 2005, that figure was 12%. A six-fold increase. I asked Jim about his transition from working Dad to stay-at-home Dad.

Lisa: How has your attitude/perception toward housekeeping/child rearing changed since you’ve been at home with your kids?

Jim: My attitude has changed in many ways. When I first started [taking care of the house], Cathie’s expectations of me were quite high. But she had to accept that I would not be doing the jobs the same way as her. Most of the men I know get frustrated because their level of clean is never good enough. The expectations of their wives are so high, that they often just give up and let her do it. I believe men have to be given a chance to clean the house…they live there too. At first we had tiffs over how clean, or lack of clean, the house was. Now, she does the laundry and bath tubs (these are areas that she’s particular about), and I do the vacuuming, dusting, floors and toilets. I also do all the cooking. On weekends we clean together…our house…our mess!

As for childrearing, men and women are different. Most boys don’t grow up playing with dolls; they play sports, and with Lego and video games. Nurturing is not something that our society teaches men. Be open to him showing love his way. Let him be Dad. Sure, I help them with the homework, but Cathie is the Mom…I don’t want to take that away from her. When the kids are sick, it’s Mommy that they cry for; when they have a boo boo it is Mommy who can kiss it better. Don’t try to pass that glorious gift to your husband. God made women much more sensitive to those issues…relish it!

Lisa: I’ve read recently that men don’t feel that their wives give them enough credit (translate respect) for the work they do outside the home and feel it’s unfair to expect them to pick up the slack at home after they’ve worked eight or ten hours already. Do you think this is valid?

Jim: I do things for my wife because I love her. I clean the house, cook our dinners and have things ready for her when she comes home because I love her. She also loves me! I don’t think it is a matter of working outside the home is harder than staying at home…it is a matter of love and respect.

Let your husband know that you are a team…and also how proud you are of him. Ignore the stains on the floor, or the mess every once in a while. Be patient and loving, and he will come along.

Lisa: How do we get our men to help with the cleaning? Any suggestions?

Jim: It’s intimidating. There is a huge learning curve for most men. Most men are not taught how to cook, or clean a house properly, or even do the laundry. It wasn’t something that my mother taught me. But what man doesn’t like a challenge? Reward him! Tell him how good a job he did, tell him how well he did. Tell him how much it turns you on…hey, it works! It is a great motivation tool!

Lisa: Some men are unwilling to learn these skills. Do you think (in your opinion) that this is a learned response (social conditioning: men’s work/women’s work) or a fear of failure? I’m interested in your opinion.

Jim: What do men do when they live alone? Wait till they have a date so someone can do the dishes? I think that in the past women’s and men’s roles were more defined. I think that the lines are now blurred. There is no excuse for a 21^st Century man not being able to do the dishes! As for cooking, some of the best chefs in the world are men. I think women often don’t want men in “their” kitchens!

Lisa: Do you have any good insights for our MOPS moms?

Jim: I love and respect my wife and I take care of her needs. She loves and respects me and looks after mine. I find ways to show Cathie everyday how special she is to me. Likewise I know that my wife finds me handsome and special, and she is very proud of me! I know this because she shows me and tells me often (every day now for 16 years).

Being a stay-at-home Dad has been a great experience for me, but it’s also because of the extraordinary support that I have had from my wife. Most of my friends saw my choice to stay home as a great thing…but there were a few who saw me as being unable to hold a job, or just a big loser!

It is almost like the struggles women have faced in the workplace in the last thirty years. I face those struggles and stigmas at the playground! When I started bringing Isaiah to the playground often women would keep a close eye on me. It was like I was some pervert or that I had invaded some secret society. I would always feel like an outsider.

Whether I am home taking care of the fort, or she is, we both agreed when we took our vows that we would love and respect each other for better or for worse. In good times and in bad, till death do we part.